I hate bells
by eathra
Summary: Homeec is not a good idea at hogwarts according to one Susan Bones. I think most will agree with her.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing from Harry Potter**

**Prologue**

Susan Bones was usually a very punctual girl. She always managed to hand her homework in on time, even if it was the wrong subject essay altogether but we won't go into that. She always made it to class in time, that is, until today.

She ran and skidded and jumped and skipped along the corridors of her school, Hogwarts. She stopped for nothing. She was a panther going in for the prey. She was unstoppable. She was amazing. She-

…Tripped.

She Pulled herself up roughly and brushed the dust off her robes hurdled through the last corridor holding her back from her destination. Home-ec.

She opened the door quietly, and managed herself in, unscathed and unnoticed, she noticed.

Home-ec. Her reason for thinking 'screw it' to her punctual… ness, before hurtling to the door of her dormitory when she couldn't stand just staring at the clock, it was _mocking _her.

The reason for her dismay was simple, the topic that approached, the topic that started that very day, was 'Happy Families.' Worst of all, the class was lead by one very impatient and pout-y woman, one Madam Phomphrey by name.

Madam Phomphrey herself wasn't that bad. She just didn't seem to 'click' with Susan, especially after the incidents that had occurred during the past year. This, of course, including breaking things, smashing things, and in some cases eating things…

'Happy Families.' Despite the jolly name was not going to be jolly in Susan's case, at all. 'Happy Families.' Was a course devised by the evilest anonymous name for all seventh years. They had to be married, have children (unlucky sixth years.) and literally make themselves fake, happy families.

And worst of all, Madam Phomphrey chose the partners.

Madam Phomphrey cleared her throat softly, and smiled. The smile that a crocodile wore before snapping at it's prey, Susan decided.

"Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter."

… Clearly Susan wasn't the only one dreading the next few weeks.


	2. Chapter One

**Disclaimer: see prologue **

Chapter One

"Me. Why me? I have done nothing to deserve this cruel and bitter punishment. That stupid old hag. I'm not even gay! What is her problem!" Draco muttered as he walked down a dark corridor that led to his new 'home' for the week.

"Malfoy, could you please stop talking?" Harry begged . Malfoy's incessant mumbling was doing nothing to solve the problem, but yet he continued to do so. Draco whirled round, almost causing Harry to bump into him.

"What?" He hissed, "How can I just act like nothing has happened?"

"And muttering away like the small child you are is going to make this problem go away then?" Harry sighed, turning Draco around and pushing him along to yet another corridor.

Draco flushed angrily.

"When my fath-" He stopped. "Do you not understand the severity of the situation, Potter!"

"It's hardly-"

"We have to have children, Potter!"

"Yeah, but-"

"We have to eat together!"

"That won't-"

"Potter! We probably have to share the same bed!"

"Probably. Not definitely." Harry said firmly, pushing him along harder.

TTT

"Eh…"

It was painted red. It had gold furniture. Draco felt sick.

"What's wrong, Malfoy?" Harry chortled.

"It's… red… and… gold." He replied.

_CRACK _

"Argh!" Draco jumped and moved back, bumping into Harry, who had whirled round at the sound. Draco jumped forward, as if burned by the contact.

"My goodness! Dobby is sorry sir!" Squealed the small house elf.

"Dobby!" Harry said welcomingly, kneeling down.

"Sir!" Dobby said happily.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Draco sneered.

"I am your servant for the week, young sirs." Dobby replied, bowing low. "I am your family house elf."

"I think that I would have preferred a useful one." Draco drawled.

Harry sighed and stood up.

"He is very useful, Malfoy." He said, frowning.

"Yeah, only to the golden boy."

"Uh-huh. And who is married to the golden boy?" Harry smirked.

Draco narrowed his eyes and went to the door across the room.

"Damn. You're sleeping on the couch." Draco growled, looking in the second red and gold room.

"So be it." Harry sighed, looking at the tacky, uncomfortable couch.

_CRACK_

TTT

_Knock, knock, knock_

Harry looked up, and left his tower of exploding snap cards.

It was Ron and Hermione, the second pair on Phomphrey's list of doom.

"Hey guys." Harry said happily. He didn't think he had ever been so happy to see them. Draco had locked himself ever since his declaration of ownership of the double bed. Which Harry decided would be short lived.

"Harry! We're so glad to see you!" Hermione said handing him a bunch of flowers, which Harry took awkwardly and put on the small end table.

"You okay, mate?" Ron asked quietly. "Where's the ferret?"

"He's locked in his room."

"You got two rooms?" Hermione asked, frowning.

"Nope."

"Well, that is completely unfair." She said crossly, going across the room to the door to Draco's lair. She rapped on the door.

"What?" Came an annoyed voice from within the lair,

"Come out, this instance!" She shouted.

"Granger!" He yelled disgustedly.

"Yes, 'Granger!' Now get out of that room!"

Ron and Harry shared a look.

"Hermione…" Ron started.

"Don't Ron." She said flatly. "Mr. Malfoy! If you don't get out of that room right now, I will get in there, and so help me, bring you out myself!"

"What! What are you even doing here!"

"Oh, yes." She turned to Harry. "Colin wanted to have some friends over, I hope you don't mind?"

"Colin? Creevey? What's he doing in your home?" Harry furrowed his brow.

Hermione blushed slightly.

"He is our son."

"You got a son already?" Harry asked bemused.

"Well, yes. We saw no point in wasting time when we only have a week to get a high level, see, if you ever want a career in-"

"Okay, okay." Harry piped up. "I get it."

"Don't you want a kid, Harry?" Hermione asked kindly.

"Yeah, I guess. But not with that git as a father, I wouldn't bring that on anybody." Harry said smirking slightly.

"I get your point, Harry." Ron joined. "There are plenty of Malfoys' in the world, thank you very-"

"Hey!" Draco's head popped through the door. "I would make a great father, weasel."

Ron snorted.

"Well, I wouldn't make _my_ child live in pigsty, with all the other pigs." Draco drawled.

"Finally!" Hermione huffed, before Ron could kill him. "What do you think you are doing? Taking the only bed for yourself! Of all the despicable…"

The door slammed shut.

Hermione sniffed. "Well fine. I guess that he won't be having dinner!"

"…Dinner?" Harry said, realising that he hadn't eaten since this morning.

TTT

Harry settled himself on the itchy couch.

It was quite an enjoyable evening after all that. Hermione and Ron had stayed until eight, because they needed to put their child to bed and wanted some time alone, for what? Harry didn't know.

Hermione had cooked up a wonderful meal of casserole. And they had laughed and talked the afternoon away.

But now it was dark and Harry was trying to sleep on an itchy piece of gold rubbish.

_Creak_

Draco tiptoed out his room and looked at Harry's form on the ridiculously tacky excuse for a couch; he felt something he hadn't felt for a while. A wave of guilt washed over him.

"Um…" Draco started.

"Uh… yeah?" Harry answered, looking over his shoulder at the awkward Slytherin.

"You can- you can have the bed if you wish."

Harry looked at him as if trying to register what he had just said.

"What…?"

"You can have the bed… if you want it."

"What did you do to it?"

"Nothing!" Draco said indignantly "I just wondered if you wanted it because the… Malfoys don't explain themselves for half-bloods…!"

Harry snorted.

Draco rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen in search for food.

TTT


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Harry woke up to a strange smell. He recognised it from every morning at the castle. But it still smelt strange… For whatever reason.

He pulled himself off of his couch, and grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom to have a quick shower before Draco claimed it.

As the warm perfumed water ran down his back he thought about the last night he had spent in the company of his sworn enemy since his first year here.

He had not slept well, no thanks to the itchy couch from hell. Also the sighs and creaking of the bed from Draco's room had not helped much either. Something else was bothering him too. Why had Malfoy offered him the bed looking so awkward? He surely hadn't been guilty!

When he had finally gave up on his hair in front of the full-length mirror, he was greeted by the strangest of sights- and smells- when he came into the living room.

Malfoy was sprawled on the red floor and the kitchen looked even worse. It was covered in soot, and stunk of burnt bacon.

'So that's what that smell was' Harry reasoned out in his head. He blinked at Draco, who was pulling himself off of the floor and trying to look menacing, which was not working so well, seeing as his hair was less than perfect and his normally flawless face had soot covering it.

"What, Potter?" He spat.

"My, my. When I thought that you could get no dirtier, you decide to bathe in soot." Harry smirked.

"Whatever." He growled as he fixed up the kitchen with his wand.

Harry sat on the joint dining room chair and smirked as he watched the Slytherin all frazzled.

"So, what exactly were you doing?"

"Nothing you should concern yourself with, Potter." He snarled, turning slightly red.

"My goodness, such disgust in your voice! I have to say I am hurt."

Draco rolled his eyes.

"It looks like you were trying- emphasis on _trying_- to cook the muggle way." Harry said happily.

"So, I wanted to see what muggles do for food, the barbarians."

Harry snorted.

"Smells like very badly burnt bacon."

"That's because it is, mudblood lover."

"But wait; there must be some thing wrong here." He said looking over his shoulder. "There's enough here for two! Egad! Who have you got coming round, so early?"

Draco flushed.

"No one."

"Hmm. Then why enough for two? Surely you don't eat that much...?" He said sizing him up.

Draco turned- if possible- even redder.

"I wanted to-"

_CRACK_

"Hello, sirs" Screeched Dobby.

TTT

After taunting Dobby for a good while, Draco decided he had been traumatized by Harry's company more than enough for one day; he turned to his room and tried to open the door. It wouldn't budge. He tried again.

It was locked.

"Eh…" Draco mumbled.

"What?" Harry asked popping up behind him, now that he had finished stopping Dobby's various suicidal attempts.

"Shut up Potter, I don't need your help."

Harry snorted and went to his card tower from the night that- surprisingly- hadn't exploded yet.

_BOOM_

Spoke to soon.

_Hoot, hoot, hoot._

Harry turned around, ignoring the grunts coming from Draco to see a owl leaving. It had left behind a red envelope

It was smoking.

"Uh, Malfoy?"

"What?" He snapped.

"There's a- a howler."

Draco spun around and stared at the offending object.

"Well, open it then! Or are you scared?"

Harry swallowed and reached towards the envelope. A loud screechy voice filled the room.

_HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO PASS THIS TOPIC IF YOU CONTINUE TO SNIPE AT EACHOTHERS THROATS ALL THE TIME! OF ALL THE DESPICABLE THINGS MR. MALFOY! _

Harry smirked at him, he rolled his eyes.

_AND MR. POTTER! YOU TOO! HOW DO YOU EXPECT A SUCSESSFUL MARRIAGE IF YOU ARE CONSTANTLY SUSPICIOUS! I EXPECT YOU BOTH TO…GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER! YOU WILL SHARE THE ROOM! AND YOU WILL MAKE THIS WORK!_

"Eh…" Malfoy groaned.

"Uh… I'll... Move my stuff in then?" Harry said, slightly disbelievingly.

Malfoy nodded slightly and walked to the couch a fell onto it.

"You okay?" Harry snorted.

"Uh… I guess… I've just got a headache is all." He snapped his head up. "What do you care?"

Harry raised his hands and rolled his eyes. "You just look dazed is all!" He turned and walked into their room which clicked open to reveal a green and silver clad bed and furniture.

"Eck."

"I know… Marvellous, isn't it?"

TT

A/N: Am so very sorry for such a late update! I've been very busy and… lazy ! ; Um yeah, well I guess excuses ruin apologies so... Will try to update soon! Reveiws are appreciated!


End file.
